I'm really struggling with being alone and seeking out others. How do I make sense of this?

I can understand where you coming from because I too have struggled with this very same question for over 15yrs..I had no one to really talk to about it and just thought it was something wrong with me..but I came to realize that there are some good people out here..YES they are hard to find, but they do exist..I have also just learned to accept people for who they are and choose to be..and if they interrupt my happiness or complicate my life in anyway..I block them out and move on to the next one...I do know some people that have a diagnosis of social anxiety and they take medication..this also may help you..or maybe just talking to someone(therapist) about your feelings..I don't have a therapist, but I do talk to someone about those feelings I feel I can't share with just anyone from time to time..My final suggestion is to find something that you like to do sports, music, art, etc and try to join the group or club..this way it will be easier to start a conversation and meet new people..I hope things improve for you and you find what your searching for..Best of Luck..